Ireland to vote again and again!

Above, T-shirt Brian Coward. Below, Jose Manuel Barbarossa

Irish T-shirt Brian Coward announced that Ireland will vote again on ratification of the Lisbon Treaty. As predicted exclusively in these columns after the No vote.

EU President Jose Manuel Barbarossa said, 'If they want to vote again, who are we to prevent them? If they have to hold 99 referenda before they get the right democratic verdict of Yes, that's okay! This is a great day for democracy and for the EU. Those two indomitable advocates of a united Europe, Napoleon and Hitler, would be proud.'

R.I.P. Bettie Page

The pin-up queen of the 1950s, Bettie Page, has died, aged 85. Her secret was that she looked innocent and wholesome even when naked or in lingerie. Or even in bondage pictures. And that's because she was innocent, fresh and wholesome. Her face has a perennial sweetness, and her legs were sensational.

How sad that we've become so jaded that only hardcore porn will serve. Give me Bettie any day, though, to be honest, she was a little too thin for my taste.

Thora still outstanding

The Hall for Cornwall theatre, in Truro, is currently staging the world premiere of Samuel Becket's first play (written when he was twelve), Tape's Last Crap. The plot shows a severely constipated Irishman, Tape, played in this production by Peter O'Toole, trying to defecate while gazing at the corpse of his mother (played by Thora Hird). Hird's performance is outstanding, and reviews have been ecstatic, e.g. 'Thora still outshines all other females on the British stage' (The Guardian)'; 'A rivetting depiction of the dead mother, from start to finish' (Daily Mail); 'Hird, already a consummate actress at her death, is still adding brilliant refinements to her craft' (Financial Times), and 'I have rarely seen a better portrayal of a corpse than Thora Hird's' (Daily Telegraph). O'Toole also has been highly praised. The production ends on Feb 15, 2009.