My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
My mistress’ eyes
My mistress’ eyes scan nothing but the 'Sun';
Coral, her six-year-old, is better read;
She’s had a boob-job that was badly done;
Her spiked, pink hair stops traffic far ahead;
At pool, straddling the cloth like Jimmy White,
She shows her thong bisecting heavy cheeks;
Pole-dancing twice a week, as ‘Peach Delight’,
She’s drenched in oils and perfume till she reeks;
Ask her who Stalin was, she’ll say ‘Dunno’ ;
When something good is on she’ll drown the sound
With pointless chat, so that my mind must go
To zombie mode, as on the Underground.
And yet, by heaven, she’s filet mignon, rare,
Since in the sack there’s no one can compare.
Jimmy White: famous snooker player
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